Act 4
- Scene 1: FL talks to Paris, “Oh you’re gonna marry Juliet” and he’s like “Yeah Capulet is being smart and stuff right now about her cousin dying so we’re getting married to help her out.” and FL says internally “Well gosh gee I wish I didn’t know why they should not be married and stuff.” And then Juliet shows up and Paris is like “EY GIRL WASSUP?” and she’s like “Eh.” And then I think they have some banter that results in Paris half-realizing she doesn’t really like him and she’s also like “I’m not lying to your face” and he’s like ‘You have totally just slandered my face right now.” And FL is like “Ok Paris go away we’re gonna do some religious confession stuff or something.” So he leaves, and FL and Juliet talk about how she’d rather die instead of marry Paris (ALSO SHE HAS A KNIFE) and he’s like “Ok calm down I have a plan, here’s a potion that’ll make it LOOK like you’re dead but you won’t be dead! And then I’ll send some letters to Romeo and when your family puts you in a tomb we’ll come and wake you up and you two can live together in Mantua.” And she’s like ‘Gimme I’m not afraid.”
- Scene 2: Capulet talks to a servant about “Wow there’s a lot of people here for the wedding.” And then Juliet shows up and throws herself at her parents’ feet and asks for forgiveness and lies about how she totally likes Paris now and her parents are happy because of that.
- Scene 3: Juliet monologues about how she doesn’t know when she’ll ever see her family again and hides her knife. Then she wonders if FL is lying and it’s poison instead of Tylenol PM but then she’s like “Oh I see Tybalt’s ghost! Romeo (x3), I’m drinking to you!” and she does.
- Scene 4: Mom/Dad Capulet get annoyed about the Nurse and servants and then they send the Nurse to go get Juliet since Paris has arrived and he’s ready to get married.
- Scene 5: The Nurse draws back the curtains after Juliet doesn’t answer and freaks out because SHE DEAD. And Mom Capulet shows up and they freak out and then Dad Capulet shows up and he’s apparently a medical professional because he’s allowed to declare her dead. FL and Paris arrive and FL is like “Is she ready? Oh no she’s dead how horrible.” And Paris says “I wanted to see what she looked like while sleeping but not like this.” And they have a lot of grief and FL says some religious stuff about how she’s totally be going to heaven. Then Peter and the musicians argue about how Peter wants music and they’re like ‘Dude...not now.” And they argue a little and Peter leaves and the musicians are like “Yeah let’s just wait for the mourners and get some food.”
Act 5
- Scene 1: FL didnt tell Romeo and Romeo’s….squire? Balthasar comes and says “Hey Juliet died also you look a little sick.” And he leaves and Romeo is like “Oh my god this is horrible.” And swears to lie with her tonight and by that he means he’s gonna kill himself so he goes to an apothecary and wheedles some poison out of them and then heads off to the tomb. Also the apothecary looks like a stereotypical drug dealer in the little movie thingy.
- Scene 2: FL meets with his Friar friend Friar John who says “Oh dude we couldn’t send your letter to Romeo cause we were quarantined because the plague.” And FL naturally is like “Oh my God why would you do this now they’re probably both gonna die.” And immediately heads over to the tomb.
- Scene 3: Paris leaves flowers, Romeo gets jealous and Paris wants revenge on the Montagues for killing his fiance’s cousin. So naturally they fight and Romeo doesn’t really want to fight at first but then Paris calls him a criminal so he gets pretty annoyed and they fight and he dies. Romeo drags his body inside the tomb and thinks about how Paris mentioned they were gonna get married and gets a little more upset but he also says the tomb isn’t really depressing because Juliet’s body is in it. So he takes the drugs and kisses her and dies. FL enters immediately after and he’s like “Hey, who’s in there?” And Balthasar is like “Romeo.” and Balthasar is also too scared to go check out the inside of the tomb with FL so he goes in alone and sees just bloody swords on the ground and then he walks in more and sees Juliet wake up and she’s like “Where’s Romeo?’ and he’s like “Uh I can take you to a nunnery?” And she says “No.” So he leaves and she kisses the poison off of Romeo’s dead lips and then takes his dagger and stabs herself. Then some watchmen find them and the Prince and the heads of the Capulet/Montague houses show up and mourn them and the Prince makes FL explain everything and he does and the Prince then makes Balthasar and Paris’ squire tell them why their masters’ bodies are in there too and he’s finally like “ok, Montague, Capulet, you see what fighting did? Them being dead is your punishment.” And they’re sad and both of them promise they’ll put up statues of their dead kids to remind them what happened and to end the feud.
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